Classified Christmas Cover-Up

A couple of days ago I met a mysterious one-armed stranger through the friend of a friend cousin's half-sister (twice removed) at midnight on a Chinese junk in the middle of the Adriatic Sea.  The stranger handed me, using his one good arm of course, a brown paper package tied up with string which just happens to be one of my favorite things.

I took the package, and quickly made it back to my awaiting dirigible where my robot pilot flew me home.  When I opened the package I was startled to find a classified government video recording from the early 1970's.  I was even more startled once I watched it, and knew I needed to share it with the world.

But first there was that wacky Mayan end-of-the-world thing on Friday.  I spent that day wrapped in aluminum foil, and curled up in the fetal position under my basement stairs. Some apocalypse that was. What a jip! Talk about being dressed up with no place to go.

Anyways, with that nuttiness all behind us it's time to finally share this video with the world.  This tape blows the pants off anything that WikiLeaks punk has ever posted...


Merry Christmas folks, and have a Happy New Year!

My Rubber Uglies

I intended to run this post back in October as part of my Halloween celebration, but personally, this post works just as well for Christmas.  These rubber monsters weren't as fancy as the stuff Santa would bring, but they were still some of my favorite childhood toys.

My Grandfather bought these creatures for me when we'd visit the novelty store at the local mall.  At least I think it was a novelty store, these were purchased when I was preschool age, and therefor it was before I could read.  If it was a toy store I think I would remember it a lot better.  All I can remember is the box of rubber monsters that sat on the counter near the register at the front of the store.  I'd pick one, my Grandfather paid for it, and we left the store. 

About a year ago I learned these monsters were officially called Rubber Uglies, and was spun off of Topps' Ugly Stickers which were mostly illustrated by Norman Saunders.  Although sometimes the display box called them Teacher's Pets (supposedly in the UK from what I've read)... 

Each of the "Uglies" has a name taken from the original Topps sticker.  For example  this is Al, and his twin Al...

As you can see the Al on the right has lost an arm.  One thing I don't understand are the different sculpts of the same creature.  Did the molds become worn, and entirely new molds were created from a new sculpture?  Or is one a knockoff?

Through the magic of Photshop I've fixed "Al #2's" missing arm.  Here's the rest of my collection...

The "Melvin" above is missing its two front pincher arms.  The arms of these rubber  monsters were easily torn during vigorous play.  I think when one arm came off this creature I intentionally removed the other to keep its symmetry. 

I once had a few other Rubber Uglies, but I think they've been permanently lost.  I'm kinda impressed I was able to scrounge up this many actually.  I'm very impressed with this collection and how it's displayed.  It's classy...

If you wish to lean more about Rubber Uglies you can visit the Rubber Uglies & Jigglers Forum.

Those 70's Dolls

Here's a quick look at a couple iconic 70's dolls, and when I say "iconic 70's" I mean something distinctly 1970's, not necessarily famous.

First it's the vaguely hippy-ish Sunshine Family from Mattel in 1976...

The Sunshine Family supposedly ran a craft store, and the ad copy says the dolls come with "its own things-to-make Idea Book" so you too could become a craftier just like the dolls.  This crafting spirit is still alive in Sunshine Family owners.  For example while searching for a Sunshine Family commercial I stumbled across YouTuber Marianna Mitchek  and her snappily crafted video "Childhood friends."  Check it out...



Mattel strikes again in 1976 with what might be the most contrversal doll of the 70's - the anatomically correct baby doll Baby Brother Tender Love...  

Although there was another anatomically correct baby doll released in 1976 called Archie Bunker’s Grandson - Joey Stivic from Ideal.  This doll was billed as the "first anatomically correct male doll."  Since it was based the popular All In The Family TV show it most certainly got more publicity, and probably took most of the heat off Baby Brother Tender Love.

Wow, two anatomically correct baby dolls are released by two major toy manufactures in 1976.  Is this just a coincidence, or was one company attempting to cash in on the others idea?  I can't believe there was ever a great demand for such a anatomically correct doll to begin with.

Christmas Charge

Hey it's Christmas time again, and that means a month of yuletide blogging at its finest.  Well, what passes for "finest" around here at least.  Always remember it's the thought that counts.

Credit card use is at its peak this time of year, and in 1973 you might have used a BankAmericard to do your Christmas shopping...

Here's a bit of  trivia for the younger generations - Visa once upon a time was called BankAmericard.

I've noticed something strange in the above magazine ad.  Did Grandpa get a creepily realistic ventriloquist dummy for Christmas?

I guess that's only his curiously dressed grandson. Although this kid looks like he's up to no good, and coincidentally has the same hair style as the evil ventriloquist dummy in the classic bad horror movie Devil Doll (1964)...  



Staying with the credit card theme, here's the 1973 Christmas ad for Master Charge ...

 MasterCard was once called Master Charge just so you know.

I wonder if ad agency even considered asking TV's Brady Bunch to pose for this ad.  It was a lot cheaper, and easier to use a cartoon so I seriously doubt it.  Those Brady's got ripped off.  However I'm sure Mike Brady would have some sort of way to moralize even this situation.

Letter from Hostess

Here's one last food related post before the month ends.  With the mess that happened over at Hostess this month I thought I might as well post about something that was sent to me last month...

I regularly buy Beefsteak Pumpernickel Bread exclusively for making sandwiches. That is I use to buy Beefsteak Pumpernickel Bread since it's currently unavailable.

I like the bread just fine, but the signature domed shape of the Beefsteak Bread line can make sandwich making challenging.  The first few slices are always going to make a small sandwich, but sometimes the first slice is so small it's unusable.  Occasionally the first slice is about the size of a poker chip, and that's a problem when there's an even number of slices per bag - you're going to be a slice short went you get to the end of the loaf.

So I called the customer support number on the bread bag, and told the courteous support person my problem.  A week later I had two coupons for a free loaf of Beefsteak Bread.  At the time I didn't know they were owned by Hostess...

I hope Hostess will return soon.

Morton Donut Shop Frozen Donuts

Morton Donut Shop frozen donuts was a 1970's product that lasted about as long as plaid polyester bell-bottoms were fashionable.  Which is my way of saying the product wasn't around to ring in 1980.  Check out the magazine ad...

Is there a full grown adult anywhere who actually dreams about donuts?

Probably the main reason this product didn't last was the fact it was frozen.  I mean who wants wait for their donuts to thaw before eating them. For example, if you read the directions on this box of Morton Donut Shop Boston Creme Donuts (uploaded to Flickr by JasonLiebig) it took a lengthy 2 hours to thaw...

Also most everyone in the country has a real donut shop within a short driving distance of their home.  If you really wanted a freshly made donut in the 70's there was probably a Dunkin' Donuts just around the corner...



Munchkins donuts and Mason Reese go together like ham and eggs, peanut butter and jelly, or Pop Rocks and Coke. 

The Birth of Instant Stuffing

I don't know if you heard, but it's the 40th anniversary of instant stuffing.  Stove Top stuffing was introduced to a grateful public back in 1972.  Check out this magazine ad from 1973...

And of course, the rest is history. Soon people everywhere were quick to choose Stove Top stuffing instead of potatoes...



Seeing that old General Foods logo was one of those, "Oh, yeah I remember that thing" kinda moments.

If you're wondering what happened to General Foods, they merged with Kraft back in 1990.

Anyway, when Stove Top was introduced it didn't have the market to its self for very long.  Almost immediately there were competitors, like Uncle Ben's Stuff'n Such seen in this 1973 ad...

Uncle Ben's Stuff'n Such didn't last.  Maybe it didn't catch on since it was baked, and took longer to prepare than Stove Top.  Or maybe it failed because it was called Uncle Ben's Stuff'n Such.

Although Uncle Ben had another bold new product back in 1973 up his sleeve, Uncle Ben's 5 Minute Rice & Gravy...

Rice and gravy in the very same box was probably a product ahead of its time.  I still don't think the world is ready.